I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
