Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
