Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
