I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
