super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
