Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
