I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
