Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
