Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
