How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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