You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
