Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
