doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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