My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
