Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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