The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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