i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
