overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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