And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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