He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
