On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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