She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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