Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
