Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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