my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Your penis caused this!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
