Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
