i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
