hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
