onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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