Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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