True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
