you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
