I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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