You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
