please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
