Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
