apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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