She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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