I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
