We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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