apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
