My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
