There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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