I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
