my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
and eventually we just all took our pants off
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
