ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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