Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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