I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
