Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
