im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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