Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
