where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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