I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
