And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
