toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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